Ratatouille: Colette Cooks Tonyloaf
by Colette Tatou
Summary: RATATOUILLE INCREDIBLES Colette is Helen's cousin. She is asked to babysit, and has a hard time getting the kids to eat her cooking. When Dash mentions that Violet would eat tonyloaf, Colette takes it a little too literally.


**DUN DUN DUN DAUAUUAUAUAUN! fanfare**

**Here it is! I am so excited to share it!**

**Thanks, Mitch and PixarVixen for approving it!**

**First, some author's notes:**

**The thing about it is it's a parody. Colette is completely out of character and does some uncharacteristic stuff. It's just funny. It is not meant to be taken seriously, it's just for fun. A totally random idea concocted at 11:17 pm during a night's session of brainstorming by me and my sister, Ashley -- which turned into something wacky, an inside joke if you will. Slightly Halloween-themed, and a crossover of Ratatouille and The Incredibles.**

**And here is an overview!:**

**Colette is Helen's cousin. She is asked to babysit, and has a hard time getting the kids to eat her cooking. When Dash mentions that Violet would eat "tonyloaf", Colette takes it a little to literally. Call it culture-shock or something... **

**::A WARNING:: It has a small suggestion of violence, but has nothing graphic. So rated PG. Also, don't read it if you haven't seen either Ratatouille or The Incredibles, as it may have spoilers. Sort of. Not really, but just if you want to be really safe.**

Colette Linguini Skinner Anton Ego LeClaire Emile Remy Django Ratatouille Incredibles Bob Helen Dash Violet Syndrome Mirage Incredible Buddy Frozone Lucius Mr. Incredible Elastigirl Edna Alfredo Tatou Chef Little

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Colette Cooks Tonyloaf 

The phone rang.

"_Allo_?"

"Colette, hi, it's me, Helen."

"Ah, _Helene_! How are you? Long time no talk,_ non_?"

"Yeah, I'm great! How's my favorite cousin?

"Helene, I am your only cousin."

"Well, all the same. Listen, Bob and I are going on vacation to Bermuda for our anniversary for a few days and we need somebody to watch the kids."

"Yes. One problem. I am living in Paris, France. You are in America. Besides, I'm busy! I have my restaurant, and a new boyfriend, and --"

"Did I mention we got you round trip tickets in first class?"

"I'll be there!"

Colette packed her bags and flew over. Helen met her and drove her to the house.

"Emergency phone numbers are all right here. Dash needs to be in bed no later than 9:30 so he can be at school at 8:30 in the morning, same with Violet, only you don't really have to worry about her, she takes care of herself. As for Jack-Jack--"

"Where is ze kitchen"

Helen led Colette into the kitchen. "What do zhe children eat?"

"Oh, they'll eat anything kid-friendly really. I've got leftovers in the fridge that you can heat up. Gotta go, or we'll miss our flight, take care, bye!" Helen said, hastily.

"Leftovers? I don't think so..."

First night:

"Violette, Dash!" Colette called from the kitchen, "Your dinner!"

Once they were seated at the table and Jack-Jack in his highchair, Colette served them _"Ratatouille. Bon_ _appetit!"_ Dash ate some before soon announcing "Full!" and racing away. Violet only moved her food around her plate.

"These American children are so picky!" Colette thought, "Everyone in Paris loves _le ratatouille_!" She decided to try to make their food more 'kid-friendly.' She took a walk out into the yard...

Next evening:

"Fresh _Escargot a la mode_ _et_ _champagne. Bon_ _appetit!"_

Dash and Violet gaped at her, open-mouthed. Colette didn't understand kids.

Dash shovelled down his ice cream while Violet stared at her plate.

"What is ze matter? You 'ave 'ardly touched your dinner."

"I'm not hungry for escargot."

"Well," Colette offered, "It is leftover night. I have _ratatouille_, sweet bread.. What are you hungry for?"

"Tony Rydinger!" Dash taunted.

"Shut up!" Violet retorted.

"I bet you'd eat if we were having Tonyloaf!" Dash persisted in a sing-song voice.

"Tonyloaf?" questioned Colette.

"AAAH I hate my life!" Violet cried as she ran into her room.

Jack-Jack giggled.

"What is tonyloaf?" asked Colette, determined to make something the children would eat.

"Tony Rydinger is this guy she likes, and everyday, she waits after school just to watch him walk by." Dash said, giggling.

"Tony Rydinger..." Colette mused.

Next day:

It was near time to pick up Dash and Violet from school. Colette arrived a few minutes early with a portable ice chest. And baggies. She leaned up against a wall, resting one foot upon it, arms folded across her chest, and sunglasses perched on her nose. Dash had told her that Tony Rydinger was always the first kid out of school, so he was not difficult to find -- "Well, well, well. Look what the cat dragged in...

Are you Tony Rydinger?"

"Er, yeah."

Colette pulled him aside. "Stand still," she ordered as she whipped out a pair of meat-cleavers.

That evening:

"Children! Your dinner!"

Colette served them their plates which they both enjoyed immensely.

"Mmm, this is great! It tastes good! What is it?"

Colette was very pleased. "It's tonyloaf!"

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Well, there it is! I hope you liked it. Please review! 


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